Envy

Envy is a sign of sin. To envy is to have insatiable desire and discontent towards others happiness but does one have to be discontent when another is happy? I envy; I sin everyday. I envy my mother of having a beautiful family. I envy my friends who are moving ahead in their life. I envy the stranger who is smiling over an ice cream cone. I envy the ease with which people go on with their life knowing their path. And I felt sorry for myself because I lack the courage which people are so used to and apt with. Though I know it doesn’t have to be this way. Somewhere in me this courage is inhabited. Yet I don’t let my courage be free as if I will loose something if I let it soar. So, I envy my mother, the stranger, the child and the people. My treacherous mind lives in discontent unable to sleep in night and unable to open my eyes to morning light. This discontent of mind somehow doesn’t extent to  other’s happiness but to my owns. My envy is of the others but my discontent is totally on my own person. And it is totally upto me how I proceed with this enlightenment. Should I let this envy be the one which breaks me and make me into a green eyed monster? Or should I use this envy to better myself and built my envy into curiosity? Curiosity of how the stranger can smile over a simple cone of ice-cream.

If I know I have caged my courage unable to let it go like a child holding onto his favourite toy. I should maybe take baby steps build my confidence, take my own time but keep moving ahead until I can smile so easily as that stranger did (my insatiable desire). After all envy is just a mere word and it is upto me how I define it and myself.

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