“To be human and not hope is like watching sunrise without feeling its warmth.
To be a person who is looking for validation is like a starving artist wandering aimlessly for inspiration.”
She sat down patting soft cloth on her face checking her reflection in the mirror while doing so. Her demeanour was poised and elegant when she kept the cloth back but her eyes crinkled just a little and lines were creasing her forehead. She was frowning, at what she saw, the sparkling eyes seem dull to her. The natural rogue on her plum cheeks reminded of her predicament. Holding in her breath for few seconds she sucked in the bloated tummy. The image floating in front of her eyes felt grotesque to her. This is not how she should feel she knew that but every night sitting here the tawny fingers of hers touched and followed a pattern of masking her face. The fingers try to paint her contour in certain way so she looked beautiful and felt beautiful. Perhaps then he will notice her think of her little more and then he may whisper sweet nothings in her ear like he did . He will not look tired (“Possibly he was tired of looking at her” she thought) and would pay more attention then look weary when she told him about her day.
Her eyes fell on various tubes, gels, expensive creams she used to become his Fair Queen. Yet nothing seems to be working she even started eating less (though when he just switch on T.V. in the living room in their room alone she finds solace in the tub of ice-cream) to reduce weight. In morning she joined yoga classes to help her get better and healthy. While in night she thinks of putting two fingers inside her mouth but is scared to do so. The eyes of her turns into saucer as the surge of anxiety hit her. The tears well up as a quiver is formed on her lips but she tries to keep it in, by biting her lips. The man she loved did love her back, always sweet and respectful to her but still she wished he looked at her in manner of amazement and pride. The way he once did.
The lights of the other bathroom went off and a shadow of man entered in dim lit room. She saw his every move with bated breath. While cleaning his glasses he looked at the cot on the other side of room. “Is she a sleep?” he asked while looking at her reflection in the mirror. “Yes” was her dichotomous answer not knowing what else she could say. He nodded “Hmm..Good” he said to her while moving towards the bed “Are you coming?” he looked expectantly at her “Is something bothering you?” this question startled her. “Um..N..no” she stuttered”Why do you ask?” looking at him curiously. He shrugged “You are not sleeping or eating properly for a while”. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, he noticed. Hope rushed into her system but she tried not think much of it. “It’s nothing. Everything is alright.” she lied as he looked at her curiously “You go on and sleep, I’ll be there in a minute” she said as she hesitantly smiled at him. His eyes still were curious but nodded and he went to sleep. Her insidious secret was safe for now but she had an idea she will crack soon. She knew her thoughts were far from being cheerful and could be hazardous to not only her but their relationship.
She checked on her daughter before going to bed. Trying to enter her side as gently as possible without waking him up. s she joined him her mind assessed her earlier conversation with him “ He noticed” it whispered. Something welled up inside of her as she turned over facing the cot. Suddenly she felt his arms around her which surprised her. His embrace was negating the doubts forming in her mind. In the end perhaps everything will actually be alright. And perhaps in his embrace she is already beautiful and validated.