Times and times again, I’ve imagined myself standing stranded in some kind of loop, holding pina colada, drinking in the sight like a lost puppy with owl eyes.
In this scenario, I’m always left feeling a sense of elation as I sit back sated in peace and relax but reality is not so picture perfect I’m afraid. The reality is an ongoing soap opera and I’m stuck in middle of everything. At the time of extreme difficulties and problems I’ve found myself enter my special “special place” from where I feel nothing but extreme calm. It’s like I’m sitting there watching everything crumbling and still a smile is annoyingly plastered on my face. It’s not that I follow teaching of great Lamas or read a book of self help gurus and suddenly started practicing zen. No! I’m as always pessimistic over thinker who loves to over rationalize. To believe in conspiracies is my tendency and to doubt everything a rare specialty. The elation and smile I’m speaking of is much more like a buzzing in my brain, a silence before my storm hits. On this time I turn into dreamer where either I’m character in Harry potter land or I picture God fighting my battles.
The God has created an entire kingdom of his from his knowledge, wisdom and bear hands as suggested in Rigveda and many other books. If my God is so capable in creating such a wholesome Brahmaan (Universe). I wish…I so wish with all honesty and self- centered mindedness that he fight my battles sometimes. Sometimes I feel so tired and so worn out, and I whine like crazy. So if God is creator and master of the whole universe I pray to him for every wish in the hopes of it coming true. Why isn’t it that he can fight my menial battles? It can prove to be a great opportunity for him to understand how disturbing these problems can be to a pest like me. But then I wonder doesn’t God and universe already play vital role in fighting my battle being Krishna to my Arjun taking wisdom from teaching life taught me. The wisdom which if I observe I’m living in every day.
He has created every piece of me, shall he not already care. Shall he not be already involved? I guess he is but a mere mortal I wish for something far-fetched. I wish to acquire his charm, her coyness, little child’s innocence and that old soul with ultimate confidence and wisecracks. And I will keeping on wishing…God, sometimes I just wish on my bad days when everything is misty there is a ray of light that clears my day. And with all honesty and bluntness I sometimes I wonder if only someone could just fight my battle and more than one time I wished it was you. I know it isn’t rational and I know I have grown stronger but if only God could fight my battle.