Ever had a feeling to be out in unknown? Where you felt nothing but just a numbing loss? In so deep filled with repentance and anxiety yet never finding the path out. You can hear voices some guiding you others thrashing you as you are not able to find your way. It is like they are banging on your skull expecting you to accept. But what? What do they want out of you? These questions keep tormenting me as I float into dismal silence. The path I paved is so different then the one I imagined and now I stand on crossroads.
Funny! How we try to make sense of this. And it’s funnier the fear from which you were running was always a part of you. It is difficult to accept that with every other quality we have also bred fear. Fear of losing something/someone ,fear of getting what we deserve or not, fear of chained into shackles, fear of being set free, fear of monsters under bed or fear of unknown. I’ve found accepting this fear and just facing them one at a time helps in finding courage. Don’t get me wrong it won’t lay down fortunes of luck to you on silver platter. You should know sometimes you will fail. Sometimes it will be terrible, I know it had been for me but to face it and still walk among billions can be quite liberating. And maybe it can lead you to the right road, the one you were destined to travel.
Amongst all these reasoning’s, I have still found myself stuck many times doing things that I don’t like or care much about. The only thing that keeps me going is love that overpowers me wants me to protect and be loyal to my loved one’s. In all honesty I fight everyday for survival from my own dark thoughts and I do it for my loved ones. For me to care is to have a reason to live, fight every fight with best of my abilities. Someday I end up really weak but like warm sun on winter day it soothes me with the fact that I fought. While I’m stuck in thick mist of unknown, I feel better that during even my darkest day I can still feel the tingle of warm sun. I don’t know what destiny holds for me, or what fate is. But I do know, I have to try to be better because one day it has to be for me.
An Indian Princess 